I am ok. & other lies I tell

When Pittsburg based artist Bakula Nayak began painting in 2013 she was at a critical juncture in her life, having to give up a successful communications design career and begin a decade long journey of living with chronic pain. In my quest to fully appreciate Nayak’s paintings, collages and installations, and as I read more about the experience of living with pain it became clear that pain is defined by three characteristics: it is subjective, individual and mobile, it is experienced differently by each of us, at different moments in time and in different parts of our conscious and subconscious selves. Nayak’s art is autobiographical and her practice cathartic, a way to communicate this rather lonely experience with the world.

The centrality of the female form in her art points to the complicated relationship Nayak has with her physical being, the struggles between the outward appearance of normality and the internal management of the hidden, elusive qualities of pain. A strong representational element mixes numerous symbols, surfaces, techniques to create works with a caustic sense of humour. There is the record of being loved and supported in the installation ‘Love is Blind’, in finding comfort in the rituals of tea, solace in the garden. Thus we see repeated references to hope, perseverance and rejuvenation in the blooming flowers, koi fish, mushrooms and other natural elements. The mood vacillates between helplessness (clouds, puddles, stairs, cage, blocks of ice) and strength (bird, rope, nest, dragon et al). A central narrative in Nayak’s work is that which is hidden, invisible, difficult to understand and she uses the idea of the cross-section, in for example ‘Rain on my Parade’ and ‘Weighted 1 & 2’, to highlight the need to look closely, look deeper and look longer to appreciate the internal world of the sufferer and the subjective experience of chronic illness.

The paintings are beautifully stark, with a minimal palette and precise lines and motifs. The installations in contrast are whimsical and playful, using found objects while the collages use vintage paper and cutouts to tap into large feminist discourses referencing patriarchal notions of physical beauty, gendered medical practices and limited access to care. As a whole the exhibition strikes a thoughtful register giving us a glimpse into Nayak’s social, psychological, medical and artistic life and her gradual acceptance, stoic resilience and tentative hopefulness.

Text Deeksha Nath
Date 18-10-2022